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TrentHowell's picture
Joined: 2006-10-03

an article pulled from MSN


[QUOTE]Worst Cartoons Ever
We may have loved these 'toons as kids, but hindsight is 20/20

By Robert Isenberg
Special to MSN Entertainment

For nearly a century, America has loved cartoons. We love talking dogs and courageous mice. We fantasize about giant robots and rocket rides through space. Every Saturday, millions of kids pile in front of their basement TVs, chomping sugary cereals and delighting in animated adventures: Scrooge McDuck seeking troves of gold, Elmer Fudd hunting wascawy wabbits, Tom chasing Jerry, Ren conning Stimpy, Itchy murdering Scratchy ...

When you think about it, cartoons are the first pop culture a child sees. Before they've heard an entire Raffi CD, kids have already memorized the Disney pantheon, from Chip and Dale to Baloo the Bear. Kids are picky customers, but they get addicted fast. And sometimes the shows they love are less than perfect -- badly written, poorly animated and ultimately brain-rotting -- and years later, after a kid has grown up and become a successful video-game tester, he will discover that a favorite cartoon really wasn't up to par.

Here are some of our favorite shockers, cartoons that seemed so much better when we were young. We may have spent hours, even entire weekends, following these colorful stories (we were mere tots! Who could blame us?), but now that DVDs can allow for a second viewing, we wonder what we were thinking. Hindsight may be 20/20, but regret is forever.


Yes, yes, we know: "'Transformers' was my childhood favorite! I owned all the action figures! I used to sing the theme song on my way to kindergarten!" Trust us, we've been there. What Generation X childhood was complete without a shelf full of Aerialbots? But have you seen "Transformers" recently? Or even in the past 10 years? Grown-up fans can find the series disappointing: nothing but slow car chases, bland explosions and the ear-piercing voice of Starscream. In this millennia-long war, characters never seemed to die, they just disappeared -- and the visual artistry that we once admired now looks a little jolty. Plus, the soundtrack: the constant guitar riffs squealing in the background, no matter what was happening. It was enough, in 1984, to root for the Autobots just because Optimus Prime sounded like John Wayne -- but why, exactly, were the Autobots good and the Decepticons evil? Today we expect more of our action heroes. Let's just hope that Michael Bay can transform "Transformers" and truly make them "more than meets the eye."
Buy it on DVD


Everybody likes good science fiction, especially science fiction set in space. With cowboys. Cowboys covered in steel bodysuits. With hawks' wings built into them. So they can fly and fight an intergalactic crime syndicate in the Limbo star cluster, sometime around the 29th century. A crime syndicate led by Monstar, who can change into an armor-plated monster and rides a space-squid. OK, so nobody liked "Silverhawks," the cosmic spin-off of "Thundercats," but somehow they made 65 episodes, and if Warner Bros. gets its wish, they will one day make it available on DVD. Yee-haw!


"Pokémon" had no story, only a Darwinist premise: Ash Ketchum, a young man and aspiring "Pokémon master," travels around with his pet Pikachu, advancing levels as he goes. Ash has a bunch of young friends, and they wander aimlessly, looking for adventure. As a genre, anime cartoons are held in high regard -- for character development, mature themes, complex plots and either smooth animation or really scenic backgrounds. "Pokémon" had none of these qualities. And wasn't not alone: The "Super Mario Bros." and "Pac-Man" cartoons also fell flat, which is what happens when you base a saga on a two-dimensional video game. Now just imagine "Grand Theft Auto: The Animated Series" -- that would be something.
Buy it on DVD

"The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo"

People love their "Scooby-Doo." Something about the laid-back gumshoeing, the long chases through Victorian houses, the ghost-masks -- audiences just can't get enough. Every time Fred says, "This looks like a clue!" the kids go wild, and who can blame them? It's the perfect entertainment for a summering second-grader. Or a hungover college student. Or Great-Grandma. But did "Scooby-Doo" really merit so many movies and spin-offs? Especially one like "The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo," featuring the voice of Vincent Price? Did the aging Shakespearean actor really need money so badly that he had to sign up as Vincent VanGhoul? This looks like one of Scooby's unsolved mysteries ...
Buy it on DVD


You have to give props to "Jem." For a show designed to sell dolls, this Saturday-morning cartoon went way beyond the call of duty: Featuring dozens of characters, complicated subplots and a vast genealogy of rock-star relationships, "Jem" suffers only because it's so dated (big hair, glittery stages and a bad-girl band called the Misfits -- what could be more unwatchable to a modern viewer?). Then again, compared with other all-girl series ("She-Ra," "My Little Pony"), "Jem" was fairly sophisticated. So let's not call "Jem" the worst; let's say that, like so many recording artists, she's just terribly, terribly misunderstood.
Buy it on DVD

"Goof Troop"

For a solid decade, the Disney afternoon was a staple of the American childhood: "DuckTales," "TaleSpin" and "Darkwing Duck" provided after-school adventure, clever one-liners and sly references to the Disney shorts of the 1940s. And then in hobbled "Goof Troop," the story of a single dad, his boring son, his son's boring best friend and the psychopathic neighbor next door. Unlike the slapstick fun of the old Goofy, the modern-day Goofy was pitifully stupid, dangerously incapable of rearing a child. His high school "friend" Pete was an overweight chauvinist who took advantage of Goofy at every turn and rarely faced consequences. The suburban plots were stultifying (Goofy decides to become a ninja, or Pete tries a recycling racket), but even worse was the watery animation. Sadly, "Goof Troop" wasn't a simple goof-up, it spelled the beginning of the end, as the Disney afternoon dissolved into the quagmire of "Quack Pack" and "Mighty Ducks" and finally vanished from the networks.
Buy it on DVD

"Captain Planet"

Yes, we should ponder global warming, and truly, we must save the belugas. But was Captain Planet really the man for the job? In the history of kids' TV, no series has ever been more politically correct: Five child-heroes represent five major ethnicities, and they spend their days selflessly protecting the environment. And who is responsible for pollution? Is it petroleum companies? Whaling ships? Corrupt waste-disposal programs? Of course not! Only super-villains cause pollution! And thanks to Captain Planet's limitless powers (flight, telepathy, super-strength), nobody really fears Duke Nukem and his cronies. Leave it to a sky-blue muscleman with green hair to save the world -- and teach kids, as an afterthought, to stop

I dont know if they are just doing this list from an animation standpoint or just the series in general, but why is Transformers there O_o, sure that series is 13 some odd years old but damn cut it some slack.


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